failure

i am not batman, nor spiderman, nor superman (which kuya lou lauraya always referred me as whenever we would cross our paths). i'm just a ordinary guy trying to do things extraordinarily. i'm just an average guy with an almost six-feet height with an unknown weight. i'm just a regular person who exerts his best in everything that he does hoping to make the people around him and himself happy and satisfied at the end of the day. i'm just a usual guy trying to make the best out of myself and to others aspiring to be the best son to my parents (not undermining my two other brothers), best student to my teachers and mentors, best brother to my siblings, best friend to my friends and the best person to myself more than to others. i', just a guy longing for things that ordinary human longed such as appreciation. i'm just a typical guy, who in time, would erupt and say, 'hey! i'm tired! i'm tired of exerting my best yet few people appreciate it! i'm tired of the insensitivities and animosities of the people around! i'm tired and i'm just tired!' but later on would go on and convince himself that it's not worth giving-up the fight. i'm just a normal guy who would want to receive a piece of appreciation from the people he appreciate. i'm just a guy who needs a break NOW more than anything else.

today, i had the worst fight with my sister. good thing, we were able to express what we want to express and what we wanted to say. perhaps even the sentiments that had been buried in a baul had been exhumed. i was hurt. those words from her mouth broke my heart and filled my eyes with tears. iba pala sa feeling kapag sinabihan ka ng kapatid mo, who you just tried to protect, that if she will be given a chance to choose her siblings, she would crossed me out of her list. iba pala sa feeling kapag sinumbatan ka ng kapatid mo at ipinamikha sayo na wala kang kwentang kapatid despite all your efforts. iba pala talaga kapag umiyak ka dahil sa isang taong mahal mo who would, if she have a chance, delete you from her world (sa palagay ko). iba sa feeling kapag sinabihan ka ng kapatid mo na wala na siyang pakialam sayo. nakakalungkot. i feel useless as her brother. i feel as if i am a nonentity as a brother to her. i failed. those big brother comments ago? all of those were dropped when my sister doesn't even appreciate me as her brother.

but hey! if i will be given a chance to choose my siblings, i would definitely include her. i'm grateful that she is my sister and i owe to her the BIG PART of who i am today. sadly, she didn't even feel it or even appreciate it. i would definitely not hesitate to choose her over and over again kasi mahal ko siya.

today, i had the longest cry (from as far as i can remember). and today my feelings and my heart are on the ground. today, i should rest and wait for the sun to rise again. good night. :(