Showing posts with label failures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label failures. Show all posts

8.8.13

Field Instruction 2 Diaries: 1


During one of the most trying times that I experienced during Field Instruction (or OJT for other degrees), I tried to pour my emotions out through writing. I entitled it Field Instruction 2 Diaries. Sadly, I only came up with two (2) entries due largely to the never ending requirements that I need to accomplish and comply. Nonetheless, i decided to put the two entries here and so here is my first catharsis dated January 15, 2013.



It's the third week of the year and pretty much, it's my eight week here in the area as a community organizer. Akala ko things would change along the with the change of the year. But since things are not getting any better especially with my community organizing experience (CO), I decided to start writing a series of write-ups. At least, I can devote my free time before going to dreamland in writing something that I can share to my fellow students and would-be FI 2 students and at the same time, in order for me to maintain my sanity. However, this is something I would call as a bitter experience.

Well, my seventh FI week started not good and things and turning to worse and from our supposed transition to CO related work and tasks, we are back as data gatherers or surveyors or interviewers. Akalain mo, pinagalitan kami ng minamahal naming supervisor dahil sa tingin niya ay hindi kami flexible and we lack sense of urgency. Should we be informed earlier na nandito kami sa area as data gatherers or surveyors or interviewers and not as CO workers, eh mas matatanggap ko sana ang mga pangyayari. But last time I checked, we should be here because we need to organize the community. Ano ba talaga?

I never imagined my CO experience to be this worse. Sayang ng opportunity to learn. Wala naman akong magawa dahil nakagapos ako sa isang sistemang pagnagreklamo ka, ikaw ang masama. Napadpad ako sa sitwasyong wala akong magawa kundi lulunin at lumulon.

At the end of the day, I just realized how 'doing what you love' differs from 'doing what you need/forced to do.' Iba talaga kapag gusto mo ang ginagawa mo. Mas masaya ka! Mas productive ka at mas magian ang pakiramdam mo. But things are different if you only do something because you just need to do it. Dun na ako sa puntong ginagawa ko nalang ang mga bagay-bagay dahil kinakailangan at hindi dahil gusto ko. Haaay! I remember dreaming of my CO experience as something worth remembering. Something more real, something good, something funfilled and something which can be called as a lifetime experience. :(

5.8.13

Testi


I had been lucky to be a part of the organizing team of the 3 out of 4 testimonial rites that was conducted by the Social Work Department since 2009. In fact, I acted as the head of the organizing team twice. As always, tasks were arduous and things were being given attention and being checked to the last and smallest details. Yung tipong dapat ay no stones are left unturned. Organizing such activity (which was simultaneously being conducted with the Acquaintance Party of the department) is very much stressful and tiring. And I can say that it's the biggest activity of the department with the end goal of making your guests and honorees feel special.

As years go on, the simple joy of being a part of the organizing team and attending the said event as regular attendee ignited a dream in me and to my classmates as well. That is, to attend the said event not as a student, nor an organizer but as an honoree. I would like to admit that I even dreamed of speaking in front of the department sharing my experiences and my journey towards passing the board exam. Of course, just like how we did it, at first I dreamed of a Testimonial Rite in a comfortable venue with an atmosphere of joy, gladness and appreciation with all the students in the department together. Feeling ko, kaparehas ng ilan (kung hindi man lahat), eto yung isa sa dalawang mga pangyayari na matagal kong (or naming) inantay at inabangan.

Pero siyempre, I know for a fact that dreams do not come true most of the time and as early as March 2013, I laid down my expectations regarding the testimonial in order for me to avoid being disappointed in the end. Okay na ang simple basta masaya at basta sincere ang atmosphere - that's what I said to myself. But as time progresses and the date for the activity is nearing, the information I got regarding the activity made me realized that this dream is now dead. In fact, when my classmates would ask me if I would attend, i would either keep quiet or answer a straight NO. But in the end, I still attended the activity. Not because I really would love and I really want to attend. I attended because of the respect and courtesy that I still have for the department. Come to think of it, last naman na ito. After that, sabihin na nating, I'm through with the department. Tapos na and I'm thankful for that!

Marami pa akong gustong sabihin pero I guess I have to end here to avoid saying things that may put me again in the spotlight. I just hope that the organizers and the department itself will hold an honest-to-goodness evaluation of an activity once fit for professionals and would be professionals (except ata kung barrio meeting or gathering ang theme ng activity). But before others react negatively to my statement, let me validate it. What I am trying to say is that I hope they (the organizing team) will give more effort on the next testimonial rites to come. Simplicity is fine or simplicity is even beauty but simplicity is not the avoidance of things that we think are grandiose, it's about making things comfortably easy for everybody without sacrificing the basics (eg. a truck for passers with simple designs made of recycled materials, proper coordination and information dissemination, a humane venue for all attendees, a nice and better program perhaps and such other things).

Well, yun lang naman ang sa akin. Simple na yan para maintindihan mo/niyo! >.<

Motorcade Truck


Lo and behold, ang pinakamagandang motorcade truck that I've seen in years with matching 'College of Social Services and Philosophy' streamer hanging on the front. This is epic. Just epic!

22.7.13

Ang Tinta. Bow.

Hello! How are you? Kumusta? Ano ang gagawin ko para tuminta ka na? Sayang ng Php 40.00 ko. Huhuhu. Tinta please? Bakit? Please! A    Wala na namang tinta! □ #1≥♀○«Å P1II Tinta Please. Bakit ka ganyan? Nakailan ka na? Sayang ng tinta. Huhu. Tsktsk. Hmp. Please be careful! Please be gentle! Please don't be too much sayang! Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu. Tsktsktsk. tsk. tsk. tsktsk. ! Bakit ganito?


-Isang novelang nakita ko sa isang lumang notebook na nagsasalarawan ng aking pakikibaka, kagustuhan at pagiging desperado na mapa-tinta ulit ang aking yumaong GTech. Hahahaha.



Photo from: https://si0.twimg.com/profile_images/2606844588/agnw05g58weygtkvgezv.jpeg

12.7.13

#iThought

If we fail to get through this today, we'll never succeed in getting through this in the future.

22.6.13

Cheers! :)




I dreamed of reaching the top and i failed. Not only did i dreamed but i also gave my best shot but my efforts were somehow futile. I was disappointed with myself and i have no one and nothing to blame except myself. I was scared about what other people might say. About their expectations that i failed to meet and about what they will be saying. That was my initial reaction.


But now, i'm over it. I accepted things as they were and as they are. Perhaps there's something greater that is waiting to be realized. The horizon is wide and far ranging and instead of flooding myself with disappointment, fear and ill-feelings, there are countless reasons why i need to celebrate what had happened like the fact that BUCSSP remains as the Top Performing School of Social Work in the Philippines and of course, the fact that almost all of my friends (of course including me) passed. 


So sa lahat ng nagturo, gumabay, umagapay, dumamay, tumulong, nagmahal, nagpasaya, nagpangiti, nagbigay ng inspirasyon, naghatid ng motibasyon, umasa, nagdasal, nagpamisa, nagpakain, nagtweet, nagmessage, bumati, nakiramay, nakibahagi at nagpugay sa akin -- SALAMAT at SALAMAT ng marami!


With love na may halong pagmamahal,

Russ Daniel Oliva Baldoza, RSW

6.12.12

Human Welfare Advocates No More.


          I spent almost my whole life in Naga City. Though I was born in Polangui, Albay, I grew up in the Maogmang Lugar which I humbly call as my happy place. Basically, I became conscious and got in touch with reality in Naga. I developed my skills, forged and started relationships, earned life experiences in Naga. Also, the me I am today is the product of my stay in Naga during my developmental years from childhood to adolescence. My happy place is infamous for its Participatory Governance which was started by the late Secretary of Interior and Local Government and my personal idol and inspiration, Sec. Jesse Robredo. It is his leadership style, which is now fondly called as “tsinelas leadership” which I would want to emulate ever since. From my limited comprehension of his leadership style as well as observation during his term as mayor, I guess his “tsinelas leadership” means getting in touch with the people you serve, with the members of your organization and most especially, you walk your talk. Aside from that, tsinelas Leadership for me entails that as a leader, you walk among your people, you guide them but you don’t dictate to them the things that they should do.

                On the other hand, since my first year in college, I was bombarded with the different knowledge and skills expected to a social worker. Aside from that, every now and then, professors would remind us that we have to have the attitude also that social workers are expected to have. I am proud to say that somehow, I learned and I managed to remember some things worth remembering. Among those things is the Principle of Self-Determination. The Principle of Self-Determination is one of the many principles that social workers are expected to adhere. In this principle, social workers are expected to respect the person’s capacity to decide for what is better for himself or to his group. Also, social workers are expected not to dictate or influence the decision-making process of individual unless otherwise the decision of the person is perceived as something that will inflict harm to himself or to other people around him.

                Tsinelas leadership and the Principle of Self-Determination - two different concepts with different origin, one from the public administration perspective while the other from the social work perspective yet they bear the same message: giving the people a chance to raise their voice and determine what is good for them. Throughout my imperfect “career” as a student leader in college (especially when I was the HWA President) and even in high school, the two concepts I mentioned are my top two tenets. The tsinelas leadership which implies simplicity, getting in touch with the member of my organization and walking my talk and the Principle of Self-Determination which gives the members of the organization to opportunity to identify, decide and implement things that they think will be beneficial to the majority of the members. When I was the president of HWA, my battlecry is to empower the members of the organization by reminding them that they are the organization and to involve as many students as possible in the different processes of the organization in such a way to remove the notion that the organization is equal to the officers. Aside from that, some of the important decisions of the organizations were also opened to debate and discussion before finally leaving things to voting. For example, from imposing a theme selected by the officers for a specific event, students were asked to nominate their desired theme, present the idea and most importantly to vote for the theme that they think is the best and beneficial. Good thing that the my fellow officers in the organization shares the same battlecry that I have wherein at the end of our term, we can say that things (though not perfect) have somehow changed such as students’ passivity was transformed to pro-activeness and some became more assertive with regards to their ideas. We tried to institutionalized things by changing the organizational structure of the organization which placed to the top the General Assembly as the highest policy making body of the organizations to make sure that the members (collectively) will still be powerful than the officers and officers will be accountable to the members of the organization and that the decision of the assembly will most of the time (if not always) will be followed or prioritized. My perception then was that we were able to start what I called as “WEvolution” where students became more involved, more empowered and happier of their status as members but I guess that was only a perception – my perception.

                Sadly, things changed and some are continuously changing. I guess I have to remind myself that change is the only constant thing in the world. But what is sadder is that the gains that we have a year ago was slowly being erased and that we are slowly sliding back to where we begin. The existence of the organization and the purposes for which it was established is not anymore being respected. Today, all decisions regarding the organization, crucial or not so crucial, fall into the hands of the omnipotent beings in the department who can simply overturn the decisions of the General Assembly for whatever reason or reasons (mostly subjective, baseless and biased) without lifting a finger. The guidance and supervisory function of the faculty was elevated to decision-making while the members of the organization have no choice but to accept the decision of the faculty regardless of its fairness to the members. The fate of the organization is now rested upon what the faculty dictates which destroys the concept of STUDENT organization. I am not questioning the capability of the faculty to decide for the organization dahil naniniwala naman ako na walang magulang ang gugustuhing mapasama ang kanyang mga anak. But at the end of the day, it is the students who lost their chance to develop better decision-making skills, better assertiveness and better identity as an essential part of the organization and of the department. It is the students who lost their chance to enjoy the privilege that the principle of self-determination offers and it is the students who lost their chance to be heard.

                Gone are the days when the organization can determine the concept of the activities that it wants to implement freely. Gone are the days when members of the organization could vote, suggest and comment on what they want freely. Gone are the days of empowered students. Gone are the days of students’ self-determination. Gone are the days of the Human Welfare Advocates that was established for the students, by the students and of the students. Gone are the days that the Human Welfare Advocates can be branded as a student organization. Self-determination and Participative Governance in the Human Welfare Advocates died and along with it, the very essence and the very reason of existence of the Human Welfare Advocates died. Until the important people in and out of the organization will not redefine their roles in the organization, nothing will change and the Human Welfare Advocates will forever be dead.



2.12.11

disclaimer for myself

i'm becoming busier every day. requirements after requirements are being given by the six major subjects that we have (if my memory serves me right or was it five?). anyway, a lot of catching up is still to be done with regards to my blogging. however, i don't have the luxury of time and the internet access that i need. sayang! anyway, as things become more challenging, i must learn to adapt. hindi pa ata ako graduating. third year pa lang ako. kung ganito ang third year, ano na kaya ang fourth year. anyway, since, i gave a promise to myself to blog whatever i would like to blog, the so be it. as usual, just like what is written on the right corner of my blog page, posts here (mostly) are ante dated. haha. ayos na yun basta may post. :)

23.11.11

eerie twenty-fourth

today is november 24, 2011, thursday and there seem to be an eerie (at least in my perspective) atmosphere in Bicol University. classes in MP/CAL building are said to be suspended tomorrow, the fences, gates and even buildings are re-painted, light bulbs were replaced with new bulbs, the facade of MP Building was well-lighted at night same with the four pillars of the university - all because of the ISO visit and the visit of President Noynoy Aquino for the Inauguration of the Climate Change Academy of Albay which is located at Bicol University.

well, the eerie thing was because of the unusual cleanliness of the university and the extra-ordinary politeness of some of the rude security guards of the university. naisip ko tuly, sana everyday ISO visit. sana everyday AACUP Accreditation at sana everyday bibisita si PNoy para mas maganda, maayos at mas malinis ang beyubs.

i wonder why this kind of mentality is still being observed by BU up to now. hindi ba pwedeng kahit walang bibisitang VIP o accreditors, maayos ang BU? I wonder...

15.11.11

u-turn slot

after thinking for sometime, i think i announce my retraction of the statements i made about "maturity" and MnT after a short talk with Kuya Bjorn. moreover, i stand by what i said in the entirety of the statements i had made. come to to think of it, masarap din naman sa feeling ang mag-burst out at some point in time. :)

3.11.11

papansin



lagot! pati si terminal 1 sumama kay ramona papuntang Hong Kong. tsktsk. hahaha. parang ewan lang.




lesson: punctuation matters! >.<

fail

after seeing the report of Lourd in AksyonTV about the symbolic seven billionth baby in the Philippines, i became curious with one of the featured things in the report is a software run by BBC.com which let you know your number in the seven billion world population that we have today. tipong sinasagot kung pang-ilan kang baby na ipinanganak sa mundo. unfortunately, simula ng nag-umpisa akong magtry hanggang ngayon ay error ang lumalabas. feeling ko tuloy hindi ako pinanganak. siguro ay lumabas lang ako sa kung saan kaya hindi nacocompute kung pang-ilang baby ako. tsktsk. sayang!


PS. IPASA NA ANG RH BILL. SEVEN BILLION NA ANG WORLD POPULATION. NINETY-FOUR MILLION OR NINETY-TWO MILLION NA ANG SA PILIPINAS. MAS MARAMI, MAS MASAYA. PERO MAS MARAMI DIN, MAS MAHIRAP! tsktsk.