During one of the most trying times that I experienced during Field Instruction (or OJT for other degrees), I tried to pour my emotions out through writing. I entitled it Field Instruction 2 Diaries. Sadly, I only came up with two (2) entries due largely to the never ending requirements that I need to accomplish and comply. Nonetheless, i decided to put the two entries here and so here is my first catharsis dated January 15, 2013.
It's the third week of the year and pretty much, it's my eight week here in the area as a community organizer. Akala ko things would change along the with the change of the year. But since things are not getting any better especially with my community organizing experience (CO), I decided to start writing a series of write-ups. At least, I can devote my free time before going to dreamland in writing something that I can share to my fellow students and would-be FI 2 students and at the same time, in order for me to maintain my sanity. However, this is something I would call as a bitter experience.
Well, my seventh FI week started not good and things and turning to worse and from our supposed transition to CO related work and tasks, we are back as data gatherers or surveyors or interviewers. Akalain mo, pinagalitan kami ng minamahal naming supervisor dahil sa tingin niya ay hindi kami flexible and we lack sense of urgency. Should we be informed earlier na nandito kami sa area as data gatherers or surveyors or interviewers and not as CO workers, eh mas matatanggap ko sana ang mga pangyayari. But last time I checked, we should be here because we need to organize the community. Ano ba talaga?
I never imagined my CO experience to be this worse. Sayang ng opportunity to learn. Wala naman akong magawa dahil nakagapos ako sa isang sistemang pagnagreklamo ka, ikaw ang masama. Napadpad ako sa sitwasyong wala akong magawa kundi lulunin at lumulon.
At the end of the day, I just realized how 'doing what you love' differs from 'doing what you need/forced to do.' Iba talaga kapag gusto mo ang ginagawa mo. Mas masaya ka! Mas productive ka at mas magian ang pakiramdam mo. But things are different if you only do something because you just need to do it. Dun na ako sa puntong ginagawa ko nalang ang mga bagay-bagay dahil kinakailangan at hindi dahil gusto ko. Haaay! I remember dreaming of my CO experience as something worth remembering. Something more real, something good, something funfilled and something which can be called as a lifetime experience. :(
